ONE of the best ways I've ever found to help myself grown is to give more of myself to others. There's just something about watching others grow from the time and care you have put into them.

One of the truly special gifts of being a parent is having a child you can teach your skills to and one day watch them do all we can do even better. Even with children, it's an amazing experience to help others out with your free time and not much else will ever make you feel better about yourself. Below are ten ways you can volunteer even if you already have a busy family and career.

No matter how busy you are, there is something on this list that you can give two hours or less of your time. It may seem difficult to fit in, but once you see how good you feel afterwards, I'm sure you will find more time in your schedule to volunteer to needy organizations in your area. For more ways to volunteer, check out Volunteer Match and Volunteer Solutions.

DAD TALK

* Did your parents do any volunteering when you were growing up?
* Do you find time to volunteer in your community?
* If you've thought of volunteering, but haven't, what can you do to find a few hours a week or month to volunteer?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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SOMETHING I have noticed as being a major hurdle for many people to overcome is the ability to stop dwelling on the problems of their past or looking to the future for their happiness. Your happiness can only be found in one place, within you, and at one time, at the intersection of just happened and about to happen.

I've been guilty of dwelling on the past and the future at different times of my life. Much of my life I spent being a "perfectionist" and wondering how I could have done things in my life better. The simple answer to that question is nothing, but for years I went over certain things over and over to the point I stopped enjoying the things that were currently in my life.

When I saw the error of my ways, I began to be a much more creative and loving individual, but as I surrounded my life with new projects and ambitions, it became hard not to dwell on the good times the future could bring if I could just follow through on my goals. Sadly, this wasn't the happiness I was after either.

It was not until I fully had my children back in my life that balance began to take shape in my life. My goals had purpose and relation, not to bring happiness into my life because I had already achieved it, but to just be the most complete person that I could be and see where it took me. No longer was the past or the promises of the future what occupied my thoughts.

Being able to "dwell" on the here and now is what I strive to make my life about now. Below are some great ideas for you to use to achieve the same mind state and start enjoying life from this moment forward.

It will take some time, but by practicing the ideas outlined in this article, you can learn to let go of the past, be optimistic of the future without dwelling on it, and enjoy the little moments of your life. Once you have made these ideas a part of who you are, you'll see that every moment is a little moment of your life that should be enjoyed.

DAD TALK

* Do you take the time to appreciate every single day of your life?
* Do you spend more time dwelling on the future, the past or in the moment?
* What things can you do in your life to start appreciating the now more than the past or future?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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THE first tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be good to your child's mom.

As someone who has gone through some extreme ups and downs with his child's mom, I can attest to the power of taking the high road. In fact, our relationship is the inspiration for this blog. I have made many mistakes as a father myself, but I have grown dramatically over the 11 years of my oldest daughter's life.

I can't say the same for her. Sadly, she has chosen to use the lack of having her own father in her life as an excuse to remain stagnant. Sometimes I think that's what she wants for our daughter, but I won't let it happen. Instead, I've been proactive in gaining custody and playing the largest role possible.

Through it all, I never have a bad word to say about her and I remind our girls to always love and respect their mother. I even go so far as to take her out for Mother's Day and give the kids presents to give her for other holidays. As a result, the past stays in the past and the kids can live life without worrying about mommy and daddy hurting each other. As they get older, your kids will see for themselves the sacrifices you've made to be the bigger person and repay you with their love and loyalty.

Remember, no child should have to choose between their parents. As men, we often get the short end of the stick, but by being good to your child's mother, your kids will see that you put them first.

That's what being a good dad is all about.

DAD TALK

* Do you find it difficult to be good to your children's mom?
* If so, what are some things you can do to improve relations with her?
* Did your dad have a good relationship with your mom?
* Do you think there is a correlation between your parents relationship and your relationship with your child's mom?

THE second tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids self-esteem. If we fail in this effort, our children are going to make bad decisions for a large majority of their life or at the very least, not have the guts to take the chances that will lead to happiness.

The best way to teach this invaluable trait is to show them how important they are to you. Spend your time with them, even if you have something more "important" to do. Talk to them and more importantly, listen to them. Have high self-esteem yourself. Encourage them to strive for more and if they fail, praise them for the effort.

I was typically reprimanded for doing anything that wasn't part of the military regiment my brother and I called childhood, and as a result, I spent most of my time at school. In fact, I never missed a single day of school until my senior year in high school. I excelled educationally, but I truly lacked any semblance of self-esteem.

It took years of failing myself before I finally gained the courage to do things on my own. In the meantime, I had left my daughter behind, gotten into legal trouble and went through a string of ultimately failed relationships with women. I'd hit bottom several times before it hurt enough to take matters into my own hands.

I think we all have a high self-esteem, but when it isn't adequately fed, we lose touch with it. Praise your children, support their efforts and don't let them lose touch with their self-esteem.

DAD TALK

* How has your self-esteem helped or hurt your relationships in life?
* Do you believe your parents were a major part of your having or lacking high self-esteem?
* What do you do to teach your children to have high self-esteem?

THE third tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be good to yourself.

Treating your children's mother is important in showing your kids that she is a valuable person worthy of love, but if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be around long enough to see how things turn out.

After my relationship with my kid's mom ended, I went into a downward spiral for several years. Between drinking, neglecting my university studies, separating further from my parents and hanging out with the wrong crowds, there was very little joy in my life. It was as if not having my daughter in my life made life not worth living. Fast forward a few years, and life couldn't be much better.

I have my kids back in my life, I'm much closer to my parents, I've rid myself of fake friends, I graduated college and am now using my skills in my own business and I appreciate every single day. Of course there are still peaks and valleys in life, but now that I treat myself properly, the valleys aren't so low and the peaks aren't quite as high simply for the fact that every day is a gift.

Having this outlook on life rubs off on my kids. Now that I have my self-esteem back, I can see my children's self-esteem growing by the day. Treating yourself good is the foundation for all the other tips that will round out this project. Without treating yourself good, it's virtually impossible to treat someone else good.

THE fourth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to protect your children.

Protecting your children doesn't just mean putting a roof over their head to shield them from the elements. It includes helping them steer clear of harmful relationships, helping them understand the dangers of drugs and alcohol, being aware of harmful toys and taking appropriate action when you are aware of these dangers. It also means preparing them to make their own decisions when dangers face them when they are on their own.

Your children will always be your children - parenting is a life long job. Even as adults we may not be aware of some of the dangers in life because we were not properly prepared. For example, growing up in an alcoholic home, I abused alcohol for some years of my life because I was not properly prepared to see alcohol as a dangerous thing. I was led to believe drinking a lot was a normal part of life and it cost me and my family in many ways.

By no means do I think it's a good thing to be an over-protective parent, but you have to be aware of the things going in their life so you can help them make sound decisions, not just for now, but for life.

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."
- Dr. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) Father of Psychology

DAD TALK

* Did you feel protected as a child?
* In what ways do you protect your children?
* What things do you see in the future as possibly being a danger to your children?

THE fifth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to learn new things.

Learning new things inspires your children to do the same. Optimally, this would lead to either of you discovering your true passions in life, but even at minimum it will result in a better you.

Learning new things inspires us to do more. The more qualified we feel in a subject, the more likely we are to get over our fears and do it. This again will teach our children to take the chances necessary to achieve happiness in life.

Learning new things will also allow you many more opportunities with your children discovering new things together. In discovery, there is magic that creates moments that you and your children will cherish forever.

"One father is more than a hundred Schoolmasters."
- George Herbert (1593 - 1633) English poet

DAD TALK

* Is learning new things a high priority to you?
* Do you want it to be a high priority for your children?
* Is it?

THE sixth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be your children's biggest fan.

When I talk to people with good relationships with their fathers, they just about always mention that he was their biggest fan and was the inspiration for them to achieve more and more in their lives.

Though times are changing, traditionally it's been the man that instills the desire to achieve in children. And there have been many a great father that relished in watching and encouraging the whole way.

Indeed, some of my happiest moments in my life are those cheering my children on. Not much can make you feel like a child again than encouraging your own to be, and certainly nothing makes you feel more proud.

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
- James Valvano (Jimmy V) (1946 - 1993), Basketball coach

DAD TALK

* Who was your biggest fan growing up?
* Who is it now?
* Who are you the biggest fan of?

THE seventh tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to always be supportive.

Supportive parents are loving parents. It shows in everything they do and in every thing their children do. If it's not life-threatening, support them. There's a good chance they are going to do it anyway.

Life is about taking chances. It's the only way we reach our true goals. When we aren't supported, over time we lower our goals so that we can achieve them and finally get that pat on the back.

I was inactively supported in my choices as a child, but my relationship with my parents has improved a great deal and now they fully support everything I do. As a result, even as an adult I'm taking far more chances and achieving them.

DAD TALK

* How supporting were your parents of your decisions growing up?
* Has that affected who you are today?
* In what ways can you be more supportive of your children?

THE eighth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to say "no".

I hate to tell you dads, but it's our job to put the foot down. No matter how easy life is, it's still "no" 50% of the time. Lights turn red. It rains unexpectedly. People you like, don't like you. That's life.

When we give our children everything without teaching them the flip side, we are setting them up for a rough reality later on. When we teach them that there are boundaries to everything, they learn to enjoy things in moderation instead of excess.

As the father of three little girls, I have a hard time saying "no" sometimes myself, but I have a line. I think too many "no's" is stifling, so I have a pretty flexible line.

Often, I'll use that leniency to teach them a lesson I otherwise may not have had a chance to. After all, guiding them through a mistake after the fact is a far more educational tactic than "see, I told you so" or getting mad.

DAD TALK

* How much freedom did you have as a child to "get away with things" or do the things you wanted?
* Are you more or less lenient with your children?
* Do you think they'll be happier for it?

THE ninth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to show your emotions.

Us dads are often viewed as being Superman by our children, but we are people just like every one else. I admit it is our job to be strong for our families, especially during a crisis, but I also believe it's important for our kids to know that we have emotions just like their mother.

By showing our emotions, it gives our children a glimpse into our hearts, into the things that we care most about, and shows them that it's ok to show their own and how to handle certain situations. This doesn't just mean crying, it means laughing and smiling when we are happy, expressing disappointment responsibly when we are let down, joy and pride in our loved ones' accomplishments, compassion for the less fortunate and remorse for our errors among many others.

Throughout my childhood, I can only remember my step-father crying once when we had to put our dog to sleep. The truth is that I'm sure hundreds of my actions made him want to cry but he wouldn't show it. Perhaps had I seen it, the point to change my actions would have been driven home. I would also have learned that it's ok to ask for help or cry myself instead of being "macho" and trying to solve all my problems alone.

Our emotions are our guidance system. By making them visible, we are more capable of aligning them with our true selves and helping our children manage their own emotions in a responsible manner.

DAD TALK

* Was your father more likely to cry or yell?
* How do you think this affected your idea of emotions?
* Do you explain to your kids that crying and anger are ok if they are handled responsibly or would you rather them not show these emotions?

THE tenth tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to spend your time with your children.

I have talked about spending quality time with your children before, but it really cannot be stressed enough how important it is to spend your free time with your children.

Life is busy, and as such, we have very little disposable time. The time fathers do have, they need to commit to their children. Let's be honest, your kids would basically prefer you not work and stay home with them all the time. When the majority of the hours in your week are spent at the office, they look forward to the time you get home from work, weekends and holidays.

When you don't spend this time with your children, they start to believe they are not as important as other priorities in your life. Children come to understand that work is a given, but they will never understand why daddy can't play with them when he finally is home.

Spending your free time with your children will build the bonds between you and your children, and will also make them feel special knowing that you WANT to spend time with them and that they are a top priority for you. Your reward will be a loving relationship that lasts.

DAD TALK

* How much time did your parents typically spend with you?
* Do you spend less or more time with your children?
* How can you possibly free up and extra ten minutes per day to spend with each of your children?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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THE 11th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to discipline your children with love.

Children need discipline. They don't need punishment. They don't need to be yelled at or hit.

Discipline is about guidance. You can't beat or yell it into someone. Guidance is about maintaining your moral authority and being the person your children look up to for guidance. When you reduce yourself to yelling or worse, hitting, you risk losing your status as "trusted adviser".

By choosing to discipline your children with love instead of anger, and choosing positive over negative, your children will come to know that you are on their side and that they can come to you in times of need without fear of reprisal.

When your children make mistakes, remind them of some pre-discussed consequences and follow through on them. Disciplining with love does not entail being a push over. It requires you to be firm and understanding, consistent and compassionate. Often times, our children make mistakes in a cry for help. They feel alone or scared. The last thing they need is the most trusted people in their lives yelling at them.

DAD TALK

* How was discipline handled when you were a child?
* Do you discipline your children the same way?
* Why or why not?

THE 12th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to set routines for your children.

Our children need routines. The earlier we set routines for our children, the more likely they will do well in school and behave at home. When children know what is expected of them, they are eager to gain your approval.

Developing routines in our own lives is the best way to create routines for our children. Children learn by watching others and when they see their parents getting up, eating breakfast, grooming and heading off for work the same time each day, it establishes an internal clock in them.

By the time they are school-aged, children should already have most of their routines set and be prepared for what is expected of them. They should know what chores are their responsibility and when they should be done. They should also know when bed time is and what they need to have done before then.

Good fathers have good children that more often than not do what they are supposed to before they are even asked. By establishing routines early in childhood, your children will be eager to show you how well they have it down.

DAD TALK

* What routines did you have as a child?
* Do you think having a routine helped or hurt you growing up?
* What routines do you set for your children?

THE 13th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to learn from your childhood.

All too often, I hear parents say they raise their kids the way they were raised because that's how it is. I disagree. If we aren't learning from our childhood and correcting the things we felt were wrong as we raise our kids, we are failing ourselves and our kids.

The value of going through your childhood is twofold. First, it allows you to gain the experience needed to be a man. But second, it allows us to raise our kids how we felt we should have been raised. To give them the things we were denied and to allow them as much opportunity as possible to live a better life than we do.

I was told over and over by my step-father that I would punish my kids as fiercely as he punished my brother and I, and I can remember saying time and time again, "No I Won't".
So far I haven't, but I have told him many times how greatful I am that he raised me.

Doing things different isn't meant to be a slight at our parents, they did the best they could. But it's up to each and every father to decide for himself if doing things the same is good enough. For me, it wasn't.

DAD TALK

* What things did you not like about the way your parents raised you?
* Do you do those things to your children?
* Do you think your children will raise theirs the way you have raised them?
* Should you change the things you don't think they will do the same?

THE 14th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be charitable.

As kids, we treat others the way our parents treat others. Use this fact to show your children how to be kind to the world. Set an example by offering a helping hand to those in need and by doing charitable work or donating. Your children will learn that all people are important and that we are all in this together.

My parents were very kind to those in need. To this day, they go out of their way to help others when they hear of them needing it or to give support to those currently in crisis. It rubbed off on me in a major way. I treat everyone as a friend and it usually reciprocates. I also let people stay when they are having problems and volunteer at my children's school and the local library. I even Big Brothered for a little while.

By being charitable to those in our community who need our help, we not only make a better community, we make better kids. Kids that turn into caring adults that will do the same when the time comes. More than likely, they will have learned that from you.

DAD TALK

* Were your parents charitable people?
* Do you help those in need or prefer to mind your own business?
* In what ways do you think you teach your child to be charitable?

THE 15th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to follow their dreams.

As far as I'm concerned, the job of a parent is to raise adults, not kids. Part of raising a good adult is to teach them while they are a child to follow their dreams and to take the risks needed to make them a reality.

Adults that are chasing their dreams are far happier and satisfied with life than those that don't. Personally, I know that is the difference between being unhappy and being happy for me. Ever since taking destiny into my own hands, my whole outlook on life has changed.

I didn't get much support chasing my dreams when I was younger, and perhaps that's why I didn't really have any in the first place. I was content to be mediocre despite my superior performance in school. To my parents' credit, once I figured out what my dreams were and started taking the steps to get there, they have been very supportive.

It feels great having their support and knowing I can talk to them about things when they aren't going as smooth as I'd like. Their encouragement makes me see that I'm not alone and that makes taking the journey that much easier.

Great dads will make sure their children know they support their goals from the time they know what goals are and have confident children that know they can reach their dreams. And when they do, my bet is the first person they will thank is you.

DAD TALK

* Were you encouraged to follow your dreams as a child or expected to conform?
* How did your parents support or lack of support affect your ambitions to chase your dreams?
* Do you encourage your children to follow their dreams, regardless of how you feel about them?

THE 16th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to put your children first.

Children have a deep need to feel they are the most important thing to their parents. Mothers usually master this ability immediately upon birth, but fathers have nature and life working against them.

Fathers are more hardwired to protect their children more than nurture them and they often have the added pressure of being the primary breadwinner and all the responsibilities that implies. It's not difficult for a father with a demanding job to put his career over his children; indeed, he's likely expected to by his superiors.

If you find yourself in this situation, explain to your children early on that daddy has to work to support the family and that he will hurry home as soon as possible to spend time with them. By doing so, there is no confusion that daddy would rather spend time with them, but has an obligation to spend part of his day at work.

The key is to be consistent and to follow through on your words. If you promise to give your child a piggy back ride as soon as you get home, do it. It seems taking their parents words literally is one of a child's first skills. Don't let your children down or you will find yourself as the one being let down later in life when you become a lower priority to your children.

Single fathers especially need to master this tip, not only in how they treat their children, but how they allow their children to do what's best for themselves in a two-home arrangement.

DAD TALK

* Who were the most important things to your parents?
* Do you believe you put your kids first?
* Do you think they'd agree?

THE 17th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to have specific days set apart to have family fun day.

Doing things as a family is a great way to catch up with everyone's latest news and to remind each family member that you are a unit and function best as a unit. Family unity is often regarded as the glue that keeps families close far after the children have flown the coup.

It's also important to have certain times you can spend with each of your children individually and give them a little one-on-one time. Children act differently in different settings. While you are a family unit, that unit consists of powerful individual pieces. Pay attention to the differences in how your children speak to you when they are together as opposed to alone with you.

I know with my daughters, they are far more likely to talk to me about it when I make sure to give them each some time alone. When they are together, they are usually content to chatter amongst themselves. But when they are with me, it's almost always about making me proud of them or helping them solve a problem.

DAD TALK

* Did you spend much time doing things as a family growing up?
* Do you set aside times to do things together with your family now?
* How do your children act differently when together as opposed to alone with you?

THE 18th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to laugh everyday with your children.

It's long been said laughter is the best medicine, but many parents either don't find the time to laugh with their children or simply cannot find anything to laugh about. What a shame!

Laughing creates healthy, happy bonds with your children. It brings joy to others and cures any blues you may have, as well. It also allows your children to believe in a world of good instead of the one seen in the daily news everyday.

For parents who don't have time for this tip, try tickling your child for 5 minutes and see if it doesn't bring a smile to both of your faces. If you can't find something to laugh about, you aren't paying enough attention to your kids. Responsible observation of your children will lend numerous opportunities to laugh with them each day.

DAD TALK

* Was your childhood home filled with laughter?
* What type of bond do you have with your parents?
* Do you think there is any correlation between the first two questions?

THE 19th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to give your children praise daily.

Praising our children is a powerful motivator, for good or bad. The key to praising your kids correctly is to quantify the praise you give them. According to this article, simply praising your child without explaining the "why" actually leads to lower performance.

Though we want our children to believe in themselves, that they are smart and worthy, instilling these beliefs takes a little more effort than just telling them they are so. Like good writers, good parents "show" their children why they are worthy of praise instead of just telling them they are.

Next time your child does something you are proud of them for or accomplishes something new in their life, show them how proud you are by saying something like "I'm very proud of you for getting a "B" on your speech in class today. I know how hard you have worked to get over your fear of talking in front of the class. Public speaking is difficult for everyone at first, but when you work as hard as you did, it can only get easier."

By understanding your child's motivation to do well, your ability to support your children through positive praise can only get easier, as well. Not only will proper praising teach your kids self-esteem, it will encourage them to follow their dreams. Remember to praise the actions and what it took to get there, not the child.

For more tips on praising your child, check out "Good Boy!" Bad Parent?, Using Patience To Parent and How Not To Talk To Your Kids.

DAD TALK

* Were you praised for your "good" actions as a child?
* How do you think that praise or lack of praise affected your self-esteem?
* What ways of praising your children have you seen work best?

THE 20th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be consistent.

In order to establish routines for your children, you need to learn to be consistent in all areas of your parenting. One of the hardest things for children to do is toe the line between right and wrong in a home without consistency.

By creating routines in your own life, you will be that much closer to setting a consistent example in areas such as discipline, eating habits, work ethic, manners and personal hygiene. Your children will learn your habits and create consistent behaviors in their own lives, a quality that will allow them to make better decisions for themselves throughout their lives.

Consistency is also vitally important when dealing with two home families. Both parents need to agree on rules and acceptable behavior. By learning two sets of rules, you are not only pitting one parent against the other, you are teaching your child that they can act out of character in many situations. Don't fall for the good parent/bad parent trap, be consistent!

For more tips on being consistent, check out The Guiding Principles of Parenting, Caregiver Woes and An Acceptable Means of Discipline?.

DAD TALK

* How consistent were your parents in establishing rules and behaviors?
* Do you think that helped or hurt your behaviors growing up?
* Do you put more weight on consistency or spontaneity?

THE 21st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your children financial responsibility.

Consumer debt is rising at an alarming rate due to several reasons. One big reason is that children do not learn good money management at home and head out into the world thinking credit cards are mana from heaven.

If we hope for our children to have stable futures, teaching financial responsibility needs to be a high priority for parents. It's not sufficient enough to instill a solid work ethic in our children. We must give them the tools and understanding of how money works and the importance of saving it.

If our children do not learn this important lesson at home, it's likely they will not learn it until they have joined a debt consolidation service, obviously a bit too late. There are many things you can do to teach responsible money management, including giving allowances, creating a bank account for them, showing them how to save up for desired goods and discovering their talents to make money on their own.

Don't let your children add to ugly debt statistics. It is your duty as a parent to teach your child sound financial management, a tool that will allow them to follow their dreams and reach their potential.

For more advice on teaching your children financial responsibility, check out Young Investor, Handling Children and Chores and Teaching Your Kids About Money.

DAD TALK

* Was financial management an important lesson in your home growing up?
* How do you think that impacted your financial status today?
* What things do you do to teach your kids about financial management?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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THE 22nd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to think before you speak.

As a hero to your children, your words are very powerful and can set the tone of your child's life for years to come. Everything you say to them adheres to their little brains and adds to their self-image. By thinking about what you say before you say it, you can ensure that your children will remember you for the positive words you said to them and not the angry or frustrated ones.

The easiest thing for a parent to do is to react to their child's behavior with yelling, commands, name calling or put downs. You must teach yourself to have the discipline to use each conversation with your child as a learning lesson and positive reinforcement of the behaviors you are trying to encourage.

Kids don't need negativity in their lives, especially from someone as important as their father. Next time you are in a position to blurt something out to your child, take a breath, think about what you want to teach them about the current situation and calmly advise them how to do things a better way.

Don't allow yourself to be remembered for saying the wrong things. Think before you speak!

For more advice on thinking before you speak, check out Think Before You Speak, Being Misunderstood and Watch Out Before You Speak.

DAD TALK

* Do you have memories of your parents yelling at you or putting you down?
* Do you speak to your children the same way?
* When do you think people get over harsh words their parents may have said to them as a child?

THE 23rd tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to conquer your bad habits.

As I've said in previous posts, _________ parents = _________ kids. Whatever bad habits you have, your children are at great risk of picking up themselves. They watch and they mimic. That goes for things like having a good work ethic and being charitable as well as for smoking, drinking and biting fingernails.

I'm not saying people should not do "adult" things, I just don't think they should do them around children. If you are unable to keep your bad habits away from your children, then it is more than just your bad habit. It becomes theirs, as well.

In order to conquer bad habits, one must focus on the desire to quit and nothing else. By putting your children ahead of your "needs", you give yourself some motivation that you may not have otherwise. Keep in mind that if you are disappointed in your own bad habit, you are going to be even more disappointed once your children pick up your habit.

I smoked for several years of my life, a habit I picked up from friends but justified because my parents smoked around me my whole life. So too with drinking, however, I still drink now and then with friends. I just don't drink or even talk about it around my kids.

I realize I could take it a step further and quit altogether, but I don't consider drinking with other adults a bad habit as long as it is handled responsibly. If I start having a hard time drinking responsibly, then that habit too shall have to be conquered because I never want my kids to see me drunk or being obnoxious.

For more advice on conquering your bad habits, check out Release Your Past Trauma, Are Bad Habits Running Your Schedule? and Breaking Bad Habits.

DAD TALK

* What bad habits, if any, did you learn from your parents?
* Do you do these things around your kids?
* What tips do you have for breaking bad habits?

THE 24th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to teach your kids the value of failure.

Too many people believe that failure is a bad thing. Like discipline , failure is an integral part of the growth process. Without failure, you will never know what not to do. Without discipline, you will never have the resolve to not do those things again.

In conversation, I always ask the naysayers of failure where they would be without the failures in their life. From learning to walk to figuring out your best career path, failure was the catalyst that got us on the right path. Indeed, you don't tell a child they failed when they fall down as they learn to walk. You encourage them to try again until they succeed. Not a single one of us skipped the failure stage, yet we are all walking.

Too often, our society paints failure as the end when in reality it is the beginning. Those that are willing to try again invariably make the necessary improvements until finally they reach their goals. Take the time to explain to your children that everyone fails, and that as long as they try their best and don't give up, they will succeed.

Celebrate the failures in their lives (and your own). By encouraging them to take the necessary risks on the road to success and be willing to fail, you will raise children that more than likely will face the world eager to follow their dreams and thank their parents for helping them do so.

As John Keats said, "Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."

DAD TALK

* How was failure treated in your childhood home?
* What are your personal thoughts on failure?
* In what ways have you encouraged your children after a failure?

THE 25th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to encourage your children to take risks.

In order to follow ones dreams and realize true happiness in life, one must take risks. Taking the safe road in life may lead to contentment and security, but the majority of people who have taken this road never experience the exhilaration of living life to their potential.

For many years, I was content to be mediocre, living a life without dreams. I had always known that I could do anything I wanted, but I had never been encouraged to go out and do it. Honestly, I was scared to take chances because I didn't want to be "better" than my family and friends.

Looking back on those days, I consider it lost time despite the valuable lessons I learned along the way. At some point, I knew I had to take a chance on my own if I was ever to be truly happy. That decision may be the best I've made to date. The security I once had isn't quite as solid, but I wake up each day looking forward to what is to come instead of just going through the motions.

Having experienced the difference between contentment and happiness, I am passionate about encouraging my children to go for the latter, to follow their dreams at all costs. I let them know that it is ok to fail and that the most important thing is to get back up and try again.

If you are less than thrilled with your life, learn from your childhood and encourage your children to do more than you were encouraged to do. By doing so, you will be remembered as a great father that was thrilled to watch his kids take the chances he never got to take himself.

"Fortune favors the bold." - Virgil

DAD TALK

* Were you encouraged to take risks in life as a child?
* How do you think that has affected your position in life?
* What can you do for your children to help them realize their dreams?

THE 26th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to know your legal rights.

One of the main reasons I started Dadviser was to help single and separated fathers play a bigger role in their children's lives. After a divorce or separation, fathers are often left to play supporting roles, but it doesn't have to be that way.

By knowing your legal rights, separated fathers can play as large a role as they wish. I was out of my child's life for several years, but after asking her if she wanted me back in her life, I moved hundreds of miles to do so. Our relationship consistently improved, but I learned the hard way that I still had to secure my legal rights to have her in my life.

At first, I wasn't allowed to pick her up from school or take her to visit my side of the family, things that made me feel like less of a dad than I should have been. After educating myself of my rights, I went through custody mediation and received joint custody, allowing me all the rights I had previously lost. Not only was I allowed to be a better dad, I felt like I was a better dad.

No matter what position you are in, there are options. Don't let circumstances dictate what type of dad you are. Be proactive, educate yourself, get help and get the rights you deserve. Your child's mother may not agree with it, but your children will appreciate the time and effort you took to make them a bigger part of your life.

For more information on learning your rights, check out Dad's Guide To Custody, Fathers' Rights and Dads Rights.

DAD TALK

* Are you satisfied with your rights as a father?
* How would having more rights enable you to be a better father?
* Do you believe you are an important part of your child's life even though you may not be in it right now?

THE 27th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to eat as a family.

Food makes people feel comfortable, which in turn opens up all kinds of conversation. Eating meals with your family helps you stay up to date on your children’s lives, as well as share your latest news with them. For many, mealtimes are the only part of the day everyone can stop what they are doing and appreciate the time they have as a family.

Growing up in a home where my brother and I ate alone in the kitchen, I’ve always felt that created a barrier to communication with our parents, but also symbolized where kids stood in the overall family structure. As a believer that my children are for the most part equal with me, I promised I would always find time to spend dinner together with them. It’s a good way to stay attached with my children and set a good example for when they have their own families.

Eating dinner together also allows the family to clean up together. Cleaning up together sets the example to go through good and bad things together as a family, and that together, you can clean up any mess. Mealtime also offers a great opportunity for fathers to teach their children about tabletop manners.

Last, but definitely not least, eating meals together allows good fathers an opportunity to teach their kids about healthy eating habits, something that just may keep their kids alive for many additional years in their lives.

DAD TALK

* What was dinnertime like for you as a child?
* Do you think that helped or hurt your family relationship?
* How often do you eat meals with your family?
* How can you increase that number?

THE 28th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to practice.

As they say, practice makes perfect, and it’s no different with parenting. The more time you spend parenting, the better you will get at it. This doesn’t mean staying to yourself at home or spending all your time working. It means doing all the things your little ones expect of you and more.

The fact that you are reading this post is proof you want to be a better dad and that you will go out of your way to learn how.

I’ve often said that our parents did the best they knew how. It’s true for any of us, so the more we know, the better we will do. For me, that means writing blogs and reading others so that I can know as much as possible about parenting as well as spending as much time as humanly possible with my girls.

Ultimately, the goal is for our own kids not to say we did the best we knew how when they are our age.

DAD TALK

* Does practice makes perfect work for parenting or are there too many things out of your control?
* Besides reading blogs, how do you practice parenting?
* Do you have a special interest or insight that other parents could benefit from? Share them.

THE 29th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to stay attached to your children.

Humans have a tendency to take things out on those they are closest to, and that’s usually our family. Arguments and disagreements are inevitable and can sometimes go too far and hurt feelings. In these times, as parents, whether it was your feelings hurt or your child’s, it is your job to remain attached and never shut them out.

If your child is shutting you out, continue talking with them with love and affection. Avoiding a defensive attitude will show your child that they have no need to attack and that you are more interested in maintaining a happy home than being “right”.

I’ve been the “shut out” and the “shutee”, both as a child and an adult, and I know how easy it is to hold a grudge or remain quite and pretend things are fine. Only after a good talk and a big hug do things get better, sometimes not even then, but if you always remain attached to your children, they will come around and vice versa.

DAD TALK

* Who do you most often take things out on?
* Who most takes things out on you?
* How long have you held a grudge for?

THE 30th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to say earn your voice.

The best way to stay attached with your children is to talk to them from the minute they are born and never stop. Quite often, fathers only talk to their kids when one of them has done something wrong. As someone that grew up that way, I can tell you that doing so makes your child not want to talk to you.

The more you talk to your children, the more you will earn their trust to talk to you about the issues in their life. Talking also involves listening to your child - sometimes even more so. The main thing is to be as open with your kids in both good and bad times and to be supportive of their choices. Like a valued friend or consultant, you will be a person they seek out when they need advice and someone whose opinion they respect instead of reject.

Children love talking to their fathers. Somewhere along the line, many of us give our children the feeling that we don’t want to talk with them, that we don’t have anything in common or that their thoughts aren’t on the same level. As a loving father, you must understand that equality starts from birth and though your child may be younger or different, only loving them enough to talk with them instead of at them will earn you the right to enjoy a close relationship with them later on.

DAD TALK

* When your parents spoke to you growing up, was it as a child or as a person?
* How do you think that affected the way you speak to your children?
* In troubled times, do you think your children will come to you first?
* Why or why not?

THE 31st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be a good role model.

Whether you are a good dad, a bad one or don’t even care, you are one of the most influential role models of your child’s life. Children learn from you from day one, and retain many of their parents qualities for life, even after years of consciously trying to change them.

As the father of three daughters, I believe it is vital for me to set a good example for how men should treat women. I’ve never been one of those dads that talk about scaring off potential suitors with a shotgun or turning the house into a fortress to keep suitors out and daughters in. I know that if I treat women well, especially their mother, my children will likely expect men to treat them well. If not, there isn’t much more I could have done as a father.

For sons, fathers are the role model for how they treat women, what type of work ethic they have and what type of character they have. If these values are important to you and you show it (not just talk about it), your sons will very likely grow up to respect women, work hard and be viewed as someone with integrity. If not, don’t blame yourself. There is only so much we can teach our children, but by being a good role model, you have done the best you could in teaching yours.

As they say, actions speak louder than words, and your consistent honorable behavior is the loudest you can hope to be.

DAD TALK

* Who were your role models growing up?
* Was one of them your dad? Why or why not?
* What type of role model have you been to your kids?
* In what ways can you improve on that?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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THE 31st tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to be a good role model.

Whether you are a good dad, a bad one or don’t even care, you are one of the most influential role models of your child’s life. Children learn from you from day one, and retain many of their parents qualities for life, even after years of consciously trying to change them.

As the father of three daughters, I believe it is vital for me to set a good example for how men should treat women. I’ve never been one of those dads that talk about scaring off potential suitors with a shotgun or turning the house into a fortress to keep suitors out and daughters in. I know that if I treat women well, especially their mother, my children will likely expect men to treat them well. If not, there isn’t much more I could have done as a father.

For sons, fathers are the role model for how they treat women, what type of work ethic they have and what type of character they have. If these values are important to you and you show it (not just talk about it), your sons will very likely grow up to respect women, work hard and be viewed as someone with integrity. If not, don’t blame yourself. There is only so much we can teach our children, but by being a good role model, you have done the best you could in teaching yours.

As they say, actions speak louder than words, and your consistent honorable behavior is the loudest you can hope to be.

DAD TALK