KEEPING your custody calendar and records organized has never been easier. There are loads of tools online, but the best one I have tried is the Custody Toolbox.

Featuring a color-coded calendar, a searchable journal, a child info database and an address book with birthday and anniversary reminder, this tool is the Swiss Army Knife of custody calendars.

Try it free for 15 days and see how easy it is to keep your important custody information organized and up-to-date.

BASED on 36 years of experience with cases numbering in the tens of thousands, divorce specialist attorney Ed Sherman knows exactly what you can do to make any divorce better. Here's an overview -- five essential steps to getting a better divorce:

1. Go slow. Unless there's an immediate threat of harm to you or children, it's better if you don't hurry. Your spouse needs time to accept the idea of a divorce and to digest ideas you propose for how to rearrange your affairs. You both need time to let emotions calm and adjust to your new reality. You need time to learn about the rules of divorce, how organize your facts, make sound decisions and how negotiate with your spouse. So long as you can make your situation safe and stable, even for a short time, you do not need to rush.

2. Get your facts straight. Whether you see an attorney or handle everything yourself, you need to gather essential details about your marriage, family, income and expenses, assets and debts. No one can do this for you, not even if you hire an attorney. Why pay an attorney hundreds of dollars to sit down with you to develop this information when you can do it yourself for next to nothing?

3. Become informed and take charge. The most important thing you can do is to become informed and prepared before you do anything or say another word to your spouse and especially before you see a lawyer. In fact, you will probably find that you don't need a lawyer. You'll find almost everything you'll need to know in How to Do Your Own Divorce in California or Divorce Solutions.

Studies show that people who know what's going on and take an active role in their cases get better, cheaper, easier divorces than those who do not. Other studies show that controlling your own case is the single best predictor of a good outcome, meaning better compliance with terms, less chance of post-divorce litigation, increased goodwill, better co-parenting, faster healing. If you know what's going on and control your case, you will save money, reduce conflict and feel better faster.

4. Avoid the legal system. The legal system is based on conflict, where both sides compete to win. Besides, very few divorces have problems based on legal issues. Almost all divorce problems are personal, not legal, and lawyers do not have tools that can in any way help solve your problems--none, not any. In fact, they tend to make things worse. The best thing you can do is to keep your case out of courts and lawyers' offices except for very limited and specific purposes. We show you how.

5. Keep business and personal matters separate. The legal aspects of divorce are about business -- money, property, procedures, paperwork, negotiation, and so on. Business and emotional matters do not mix, so the best way to reduce conflict and confusion is to keep business matters as separate as possible from emotional issues. This doesn't mean you don't need to deal with emotional matters -- just not when you are taking care of business.

Ed Sherman is a divorce specialist attorney and award-winning author of How to Do Your Own Divorce in California. His books and software have saved millions of people billions of dollars in unnecessary attorney fees. Visit Nolo.

I recently gained joint legal and physical custody of my oldest daughter. Nothing much has changed since she already spends most of her time with me, but it has forced me to work more closely with her mother.

Making joint custody work requires the mutual cooperation of both parents. This can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a sour note. Below are five rules for making joint custody enjoyable for you, your spouse and most importantly, your child.

1. Put your children first.
Putting your children's needs ahead of yours requires compromise. Schedules change and demand flexibility on both parents part. Taking responsibility for creating consistent rules in both homes also means you need to be more than just the fun parent. Putting your child's needs over your own convenience will lead to long-term success of joint custody.

2. Communication is key.
It may not always be enjoyable, but maintaining an open line of communication with the mother will always make things easier in the long run. You both need to stay informed as to what is happening in your kid's lives and relying on your child to be the middleman is not only unrealistic, it's unfair. Creating security and consistency takes effort from each of you.

3. Show interest in your children.
Attending school functions and extracurricular activities, regardless of whose day it is, will show your children that you care about them even when they aren't around. Don't just be the caretaker. Take a proactive interest now and thank yourself later.

4. Respect your ex.
Following this rule may require you to do some things you aren't comfortable with, but it will make your children more comfortable in their time with each of you. Never force your kids to choose sides. They might not only make the "wrong" choice, they may end up resenting you for making them do so. Respecting their mother will also make your kids love you even more.

5. Avoid serious relationships.
Helping your children feel they are the most important thing in your life is hard to do when your attention is divided. Dating is fine, but avoid serious relationships that can only add strain to the relationships you are trying to maintain now. If you want joint custody to work, it will take some sacrifices.

Joint custody can and will work if you put the effort in the effort it deserves. Your children didn't choose this lifestyle. If you want them to accept you in their life during this process, you must choose to take the high road and remember that they ultimately want both parents in their life. By putting their needs first, you will make things a whole lot easier on you, the kids and your ex.

Discussion Points:

* Do you agree with these rules? Are you in a situation you believe these rules wouldn't help?
* Are you able to follow these rules even if your ex cannot or will not?
* Do you agree with putting off serious relationships during this transition stage?

IF you or your spouse have moved out of your home, you should consider making it legal to protect your child custody and support, taxes, and new debt interests. It will also assist you in negotiating a future divorce settlement.

All states except Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, and Texas recognize legal documentation of separation.

Paperwork
If you are considering separating from your spouse, ask your lawyer what legal ramifications you may face and to draw up the separation agreement to best protect you or fill out the separation papers and file them yourself. You can look up legal separation agreements for your individual state here.

Precedence
If you are considering moving out, understand you may be setting a precedence for what is awarded in the divorce. If you own a home, it is best not to give up your rights before divorce papers are drawn up. Try to include who will be awarded the home, as well as child custody and visitation rights in your separation agreement.

Preparation

1. Take your name off the lease so you will not be held liable for anything that is past-due.
2. Take your name off the utilities (gas, electric, phone, cable, trash, paper, etc.) so you will not be held liable for anything that is past-due.
3. Forward your mail to a post office box or to a close friend or relative.
4. Make note of all address, phone numbers, and account information on mortgages, bank and credit accounts, insurance policies, pension accounts, and any other financial paperwork you will need.
5. Make copies of all tax records for the past six years and understand that State and Federal tax agencies are not parties to a separation or divorce, so you are still legally responsible for owed taxes.
6. Put a freeze on all joint credit accounts since you are legally responsible for any debt incurred.
7. List and photograph any items in safety deposit boxes and take any personal items.
8. Pack up what you need, and anything you may want later, including:
* clothing
* pictures, books, and movies,
* family heirlooms and mementos
* medicine and prescriptions
* school and medical records and address books
* furniture and appliances
* dishes, pots, utensils, food
* bedding, towels, and bath supplies
* phones, computer, office supplies
* grill, outdoor equipment, tools, recreation and sports gear

You can find more legal separation information in the following articles:

TODAY, I received the best belated Father's Day present I could ask for - joint legal custody of my eldest daughter.

While the mediation itself went surprisingly smooth, getting to that point wasn't so easy. Getting my daughter's mother to agree to mediation and trust that I wasn't trying to take our daughter away from her, despite having the legal right to do so, was a rough road.

Truth is, she fought tooth and nail, insisting on a court battle that would not have ended in her favor and would have caused disarray throughout the entire family. In an effort to transcend our differences, much mediation went into getting her to see things my way, and in the end, cooler heads prevailed. The mediator actually admitted it was one of the smoothest mediations she'd done in some time.

I'm a firm believer that as single parents, we need to show continued love and respect to our exes not only for our children's sake, but for our own as well. It shows growth and compassion, qualities we all want in our children, but it also shows that as adults, there is always a way to find agreement where their previously was none.

Today, I'm thankful for the gift I received, and I'm also thankful that we as parents, have taken a big step towards acting more like the parents we want our children to have.

Over the next few weeks, I will be posting more about custody, a topic that often seems unattainable for us as single fathers. Come share your stories and vote on the polls. I'd love to hear some of your experiences.

Cheers.

THIS Dadviser state divorce resources directory allows you to easily access divorce laws, child support guidelines and calculators, as well as divorce lawyers and professionals by state all in one location.

Click on your state to find great resources and information for your area.

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

You can find more divorce information in the following articles:

IF you are thinking about or are currently in the divorce process, the most important thing you can do is accept responsibility for the outcome. The decisions you make now can have a considerable effect on your future.

It is best to establish a plan of action before you head into a divorce. Start by informing yourself on your options and giving yourself the best opportunity to turn your divorce in your favor.

If it is a given that your marriage will end, use the following options to protect yourself. Most importantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do not sign anything unless you are represented by an attorney.

Divorce Considerations on Money: Consider a financial planner that is skilled in divorce proceedings and can point out potentially troublesome areas of your settlement before starting your divorce. Keep the following things in mind as you near a divorce:

• Try to keep all assets liquid; don't make large purchases that could add to your community debt
• Save money for emergencies, you're more than likely going to need it
• Freeze your joint credit card accounts
• Maintain your employment
• Set up an individual account if you previously had your payments deposited to a joint account
• Keep your individual assets separate

Divorce Considerations on Support:

• You are eligible for "interim maintenance" and child support during separation and divorce proceedings
• Child support is not taxable
• Bankruptcy won't effect child support orders
• Spousal support is taxable

Divorce Considerations on Insurance: Get medical and dental check ups done while you are still covered on your spouse's insurance.

• Your divorce papers can order your spouse to carry insurance on your children
• You can request that your spouse name you or your children as beneficiaries on their life insurance policy
• You have the opportunity to continue your coverage from your spouse's health insurance plan after the divorce by electing for COBRA coverage. You will have to pay 104% of the policy cost, but this can provide temporary (up to 3 years) coverage for you, though you'll need to convert the policy within 60 days of your divorce or legal separation

Divorce Considerations on Retirement and Social Security:

• Pensions are joint assets and can be divided in a divorce settlement. Your attorney will need to prepare a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) before your divorce is finalized
• If your marriage lasted more than 10 years, you may be eligible to collect on your spouse's portion of their social security pension. If you qualify, you can collect once your spouse turns 62 and the divorce has been finalized for more than two years
• Unmarried children under 18 are entitled to survivor benefits if your spouse dies
• If you were married for more than 10 years, you qualify for the same survivor benefits as a widow

Divorce Considerations on Property and Assets: You need to consider the tax implications of any property received in a divorce settlement. Some property and assets are subject to a capital gains tax of up to 40% when sold. Consult a certified financial planner on the division of assets and holdings.

• The marital home is exempt from this tax, but be realistic about being able to afford living there
• Cash settlements are preferable to installment payments

Divorce Considerations on Taxes and Liens:

• Contact federal and state tax departments to see if there is any outstanding taxes owed. Remember, you are just as liable as your spouse for these payments
• Check the county court house to see if there are any liens placed on your property and think twice before receiving such property in a settlement unless your spouse can pay off the lien before the divorce is finalized

Divorce Considerations on Documents and Records: It is VERY important to have copies of all records and accounts, giving you all the relevant information you will need in the future. Some records to copy include:

Savings/Checking Accounts
Certificates of Deposit
Mutual Funds
Home Equity Loans
Brokerage Accounts
Credit Card Accounts
Mortgage Information
Life Insurance
Disability Insurance
Homeowner's Insurance
Medical Insurance
Umbrella Policy
Automobile Insurance
Property Titles
Vehicle Titles
Tax returns - last 5 years
6 months of pay stubs
401 K plan
IRA
Keogh plan
Wills and Trusts
Safe Deposit Box
Purchase Price of Home

Divorce can be an emotional experience, but needs to be approached with a businesslike attitude. Prepare yourself and take control of your situation.

You may feel unsure now, but taking control of your divorce will make you a stronger person. Below, you will find some articles to help you prepare for some other divorce issues you may not have thought about yet:

• Divorce Property Issues
• Dividing Retirement
• Divorce And Health Insurance
• Divorce and Unsecured Debt Responsibility
• Other Divorce and Money Issues

You can find more divorce information in the following articles:

YOU may be in a position to forgo lawyers and handle your divorce on your own, saving you time and money if you are able to work with your spouse. If you meet the following criteria, you may want to file your own divorce papers.

• Both parties mutually agree that it is best to divorce
• There are no minor children involved
• There is little or no community property or debt, and both parties agree on how to divide it
• There are no retirement or pension plans, investments, or stock options involved
• Neither party is in active military service
• You are capable of supporting yourself
• Your spouse has not already retained a lawyer or filed any papers or judgments
• There is no impending bankruptcy
• There is no history of abuse or intimidation

Though it will save money, understand that this process will involve more time than hiring an attorney. Representing yourself requires working directly with the county clerk and local judges, so it is probably a good idea to see how they feel about handling your own divorce.

If they are disagreeable, it may be in your interest to hire an attorney. If you still decide to move forward, you should be find an attorney to review and file all the paperwork that you have prepared. Below is a partial list of the required paperwork that you will need for a do it yourself divorce.

Each state has it’s own document requirements, so you should check your state's requirements here.

Basic Forms Needed For Do It Yourself Divorce:

1. Petition for Divorce - gives the court jurisdiction over your divorce
2. Financial Affidavit - places your financial agreements before the court
3. Notice of Hearing - sets a date for the judge to hear your case
4. Answer and Affidavit - allows your spouse to be absent at the hearing as long as they acknowledges the validity of the do it yourself divorce
5. Certificate of Corroborating Witness - establishes residency requirements for your state
6. Settlement Agreement - determines the conditions of the divorce
7. Divorce Judgment or Decree - finalize your divorce

Do it yourself divorce simplifies the process and reduces animosity between spouses. If you think a do it yourself divorce would be best for you, the family court clerk in your jurisdiction should be able to supply you with a list of required forms.

You can then get state specific forms here. Once you have all the forms, take your time filling them out carefully. If you run into any trouble, you may want to find a lawyer to look over your forms and offer suggestions for an hourly fee.

You might also consider using CompleteCase or LegalZoom, two reputable and affordable online options for handling your divorce.

You can find more divorce information in the following articles:

COLLABORATIVE family law (CFL) is something to consider when you and your spouse want to divorce as painlessly as possible. Optimally, everyone involved in the divorce process should agree the matter be settled out of court. The following article discusses how a collaborative divorce works.

Imagine… A Collaborative Approach To Divorce

There is a movement in family law whereby divorcing couples can sign agreements with lawyers to not go to court. More specifically, the process is known as Collaborative Family Law (CFL) and the agreement to not go to court is binding upon the lawyers, not the couple. If one or both clients are unsatisfied, either may still march the dispute to court. They will however have to find new lawyers.

At heart, the CFL process seeks to develop consensus between the parties for a mutually acceptable settlement. The settlement can include the division of assets, spousal or child support and/or the ongoing care of children.

In traditional dispute scenarios both parties retain their own financial advisor and may be subject to a custody/access assessment. The results from financial planners may vary and in such cases, the dispute then widens to include the experts. The recommendations of the assessor may not reflect the position of either or both parties and hence their involvement may fall to conflict as well. Often, other third parties are drawn into the dispute as well.

In the CFL process, while the couple retains separate collaboratively trained lawyers, they then retain a single financial advisor and/or child expert and/or divorce coaches who form a team with the lawyers and clients. The financial advisor, child expert and divorce coaches act as consultants within a team framework. Because each party has their own lawyer though, they are assured their respective legal rights are preserved. Certainly the disposition of the lawyers is one of settlement as litigation is openly off the table. The risk of conflict is reduced in favor of improving the probability of settlement.

At issue to some persons considering CFL, is concern that they may be forced to capitulate or acquiesce on matters of importance or safety.

Firstly, no party is to be forced to agree to anything. That is why they both retain separate counsel; to protect legal rights and assure a process that addresses mutual concerns.

Secondly, either party can table contentious issues and even treatment issues. The objective is not to capitulate, but to address all issues forthrightly and develop plans to genuinely mitigate concerns.

The actual CFL process occurs in four-way meetings (clients and lawyers) and can be expanded to include the financial planner, child expert or any other consultant for that matter. Depending on the style of CFL, ancillary experts may automatically form part of the team. Various jurisdictions have developed some unique differences in approach while all the while adhering to the basic premise of reaching a settlement without the threat of litigation.

Depending on the nature of issues to be resolved, the number and durations of meetings can vary. Unlike traditional family law where meetings tend to be conducted on a schedule determined by Court process, CFL meetings are independent of Court and hence at the control of the participants. Further, because matters are never left to the discretion of a Judge, the parties retain full responsibility and control for settlements achieved.

Practitioners of CFL offer it as a more respectful way to resolve family disputes as neither side is bent on tearing down the other, but conversely, directed towards leaving relationships as intact as possible. Because collaborate doesn’t mean capitulate, issues can be addressed in a manner that maintains control in the hands of the parties. The process is thought to provide for more durable outcomes whilst maintaining the integrity of the participants. This bodes well for the children and transition to new family structures.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
(905) 628-4847
yoursocialworker.com

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and is considered an expert on child development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations, social work and for the purpose of giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report.

You can find more divorce information in the following articles:

DIVORCE mediation is a good alternative to court litigation to resolve disputes between divorcing spouses. A mediator, an impartial third party, helps you work through the issues of divorce in an effort to reach a mutually agreeable settlement. This voluntary process may allow you to retain control over the outcome of your divorce.

What Does A Mediator Do?
The mediator helps identify and guide you through issues that need to be resolved. As a neutral party, the mediator helps keep negotiations flowing in order to reach an agreeable resolution for you and your spouse.

What Are The Benefits Of Using A Mediator?
Using a mediator has several advantages. The divorce process is likely to be less adversarial, time-consuming and costly than a courtroom battle, in addition to being more confidential.

You also have more control over the process, as open communication and finding agreement are encouraged. Resolving your differences in this way also increases the likelihood of future cooperation, an important factor if children are involved.

What Issues Can A Mediator Help Us Resolve?
Mediators can help couples reach agreement on parenting arrangements, parenting plans, spousal support, and any number of asset issues.

While a mediator can help in many areas, not all issues have to be settled in mediation. You still have the option of using court litigation for issues that can't be agreed upon in mediation. Both parties retain the right to walk away from mediation at any time and let the courts decide.

Do Mediators Replace Lawyers?
Mediation does not replace the need for legal counsel. A lawyer can help you prepare for negotiations, discuss the legal repercussions of the issues and answer your questions on how to proceed. Your lawyer should also review any settlement agreements before they are signed.

Is Mediation Appropriate For Everyone?
Mediation is not recommended in situations where there has been abuse, or one spouse feels intimidated by the other. Both parties should feel free to express their opinions openly and discuss the issues that need to be resolved. Both sides should also agree to mediation as a way to settle their disputes.

When both parties agree to mediation, it can be a less costly and time-consuming process that allows both parties to feel that a fair solution has been reached. It also offers a means of taking control of your divorce and avoiding the negative consequences of ending your marriage in dispute.

You can find more divorce information in the following articles: